Choose Your Weapon

Mountain Raid Kit

Mountain Raid | Toys of Torment

With all the “ah, y’ big dumbarse” lessons of the Lorne Adventure Race well and truly etched into my memory banks, I’ve actually managed to get some reasonable training done since the holiday period passed by in the hope that whatever inevitable pain may lay ahead, it won’t be quite as ugly as Lorne.

My bike has been returned to my loving arms since receiving a much-needed service under the expert hands of MTB legend, Astroboy Racer.  With recent mileage just clocked up between work, home and paddling it was awesome to finally hit the trails again last night…soaking up the last of the Australia Day sun while smashing out 25km around a hilly Lysterfield circuit followed by a quick dip in the lake to cool off afterwards. Magic stuff.  The tracks there are just getting better and better and there’s really no excuse not to tap into it more often with only a 25-30min drive getting in the way.

Here’s a quick look at one of more challenging sections “Follow Me” (no…it’s not me behind the wheel…on account of the fact the guy sets a slick pace and doesn’t come off)….enjoy 🙂

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 With the running odometer as respectable as running on pavement will allow, the legs/achilles aren’t feeling too bad and you’ll be pleased to hear I’ve even managed to sharpen up enough in the boat to stay dry at paddling sessions!  Can someone give me a “Thank y’, Jesus!”?



Mountain Raid

Overall, my primary goals for the upcoming Mountain Raid remain firmly fixed as:


This two-day navigational adventure race covers nearly 120km through the Falls Creek and Rocky Valley Lake area.  The exact course is kept secret from competitors until the race briefing on Friday night before the event where we will receive our course maps, handbooks and all the information we’ll need to navigate around the pre-designated checkpoints in the selected disciplines. Hopefully our navigation isn’t too shabby and we don’t go stretching the distances any more than necessary.

Team “Too Legit To Quit” ….we like to party…

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Bike Buller MTB Festival

Presented by Kona and running over the Victorian long weekend of 8-10 March, the Bike Buller MTB Festival brings all that is great about mountain biking to the one location for what promises to be a massive weekend of bikes, single track, fresh air and partying!

There are six different races held over the three days of the event….you can choose to enter just one OR grow a pair and enter the premier category, contesting the big three races for the ultimate adrenaline challenge. The races include a mixture of cross country courses that take in plenty of up hills and down hills whilst some races have an ‘all mountain’ focus with descending the name of the game…picture a 6km downhill blast where you jump back on a ski lift to head back up and do it all over again…for over 4 hours!! Sweeet. If you’re keen on taking a closer look, check out the Course Description & Maps for more information.

While this will be my first crack at this festival, I’ve been assured the vast majority of events start and finish in the village square and with most competitors also staying on the mountain the whole event generates a terrific atmosphere as riders take over the mountain for a massive weekend.  Sounds pretty f###ing good to me!

The fun-factor aside, this will also be serving as a great stepping stone to the next gig…

Giant Odyssey MTB Marathon

This “heroic” mountain bike marathon will twist through a range of wild landscapes and cranking single track… complete it [insert:  in one piece], and they say you will have joined the mountain bike mythology!  Ok…maybe a reach there, but surely you’d at least have to be cashing in some chest-beating rights in there somewhere.

After signing up for the Giant Odyssey 2014, you will be able to “claim your stance atop the Otway Ranges as a warrior… a two-wheeled warrior and conqueror of 100 kilometres of vertiginous climbs, thick swathes of forest and the odd mud monster clawing out from the ferns.” A sense of triumph (sometimes also manifested as a feeling of “thank f##k that’s over”) will be chased down by a cold beer while soaking up the vibe of the event festival afterwards.

At this point in my quiet existance I have never (!) clocked up 100km in the saddle in a single MTB effort.  While the number itself is not too daunting after running it last September in the Surf Coast Century ultra-marathon, my perineum is in a state of total refusal and has already engaged in scare-mongering and propoganda warfare in the hope my balls fail to reach the size required for race entry. My lawyers are currently working on a counter-response as I intend to tick that 100km box very soon.

The Forrest course is supposed to be a cracker and I’ve kindly been offered a pre-race tour of duty of the area by this skinny bloke. Jase is an MTB monster and having completed the race 5 or 6 years in a row, there’ll be a stack of race tips to soak up provided I can still see straight after spending a day trying to keep the guy in sight.  I’ll definitely have to get some miles clocked up before I jump on a trail with this crazy bastard.

Giant Odyssey 100km Map

Plans after this? ….the Spartan Sprint kicks things off in May, so my legs should be light-weight titanium by then (he hopes)…back into the mud and filth. Happy days!


It’s just life that we can’t always do the shit we want to do. I’ve been totally blessed with a truckload of family support, sponsorship and new friends over the past couple of years and while surviving and thriving in this era of “me, me, me”, the line in the sand has been reached.  With so many other things to take care of I just can’t justify another “big race” this year.  I’ll sleep better if that coin is better utilised elsewhere, whether scoring my gorgeous wife a new mountain bike or helping our youngest guy with his dreams to play his beloved soccer at the highest level possible.  So, as you may have noticed on the events menu at the top of the page, “The Death Race” has been removed…..not deleted, but shelved. I know I’m not getting any younger but I still think there’s a few years left in the diesel engine, so I’m sure there will be another year that provides a better “fit”.

Remaining totally grateful for the on-going support of my awesome sponsors…Protein Supplies Australia (Matt), Asics (Thomo), Suunto (Sam & Fabi) and Rapid Ascent Event Management (Sam & Adele), I’ll still be hitting up every kind of race that life will allow, it’s just that these events will remain somewhere within a two-hour flight radius 😉

 Happy racing, guys and girls.


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